


Smol Snake Loki (OR: Tony's descent into madness)

by SpacePancake



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack Fic, Genderfluid Loki, Infinity War never happened, Thor Is a Good Bro, not funny but fun for me to write, snake loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 16:38:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14898155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpacePancake/pseuds/SpacePancake
Summary: Thor arrives to Earth with Asgard's population and a snake around his neck.Tony is suspicious.





	Smol Snake Loki (OR: Tony's descent into madness)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this post: http://talxns.tumblr.com/post/172509784237/in-infinity-war-loki-survives-and-stays-with-thor

Thor arriving with Bruce in tow should have been great. He'd finally have more of the Avengers back together, yay! But the ragged looking warrior had a few hundred Asgardians that needed a home and a story that the thunder god needed a few drinks to get through.

He also had a snake coiled around his neck.

In between housing the remaining population of Asgard and learning about Thor’s second evil sibling Hela, Tony asked about it.

“Ah yes,” Thor said, “this is my pet. Don't worry about him.”

“You have snakes in space?”

“Why, us Asgardians are from space and we look exactly like you! Is it so hard to imagine snakes from other realms?”

Tony still thought it was weird, but he let it drop.

-

Once he heard Thor call the snake Loki. As in, ‘tried to take over Earth’ Loki.

“Why did you name your snake after the Horn Head?” Tony asked.

Thor looked a little lost for words for a second, before the snake hissed at him. “A while back my brother died to defend myself and the universe. He had redeemed himself in my eyes, and so when I found this snake I named him Loki to honour his death.”

“Wasn't Loki still alive though?”

“Ah yes,” Thor said, “but I didn't know that. And now he's dead once more so the whole honouring his death thing still stands.”

“... You're sure he's dead this time?” Tony asked. “You've thought he was dead twice now.”

“Oh yes. He is without a doubt, very dead.” Thor said in a rush. 

-

“Did you just call your snake a she?” Tony asked.

Thor nodded.

“But for the last few days you've been calling them a ‘he’.”

Thor simply nodded again. 

“So which is it?”

“My friend, Loki was indeed a ‘he’ these last few days, as you put it, but today she is a ‘she’. Make sure to use the correct terms when addressing her, yes?”

Tony sighed. “How… how do you know?”

“The all-speak allows me to talk to snakes.” Thor said, fully serious.

“So your seemingly genderfluid snake told you that she's a she today?”

“Indeed.”

Tony shook his head. “Fucking space snakes.”

-

“Hey if Thor’s snake weird or is it just me?” Tony asked Bruce over the lab table.

Bruce shrugged. “It's a space snake. I saw like, eight of them on Sakaar.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, sure.”

-

There was a book open on the couch in the community room. Loki the snake had his lower body holding down the pages and looked like he was reading. Thor sat beside him but was watching tv.

Tony lips twitched in amusement. “Does Loki like reading?” He asked jokingly.

Thor looked over. “Indeed. It has always been a favoured hobby of his.”

“Your snake likes reading?”

Thor smiled. “Do Midgardian snakes not?”

-

“I'm telling you, Rhodey. The snake is Loki. Actual Loki. The alien that threw me out a window? That's him.”

Rhodey shook his head, a sigh of exasperation escaping his lips. “It's a snake, Tony.”

“Who said Loki can't shapeshift?”

“It's. A. Snake.”

Tony threw up his hands. “Fine! Don't believe me. You're paying for the windows if I'm right.”

-

Tony was on the verge of flipping a table when Thor referred to the snake as brother.

“You're telling me that that snake is not person-Loki when you literally just called them your brother?”

“I didn't call him that.” Thor said quickly. The snake hissed. “I mean, I did, but ‘tis like what the captain refers to as brothers in arms. He is close to me, like a brother.”

Tony looked at the snake, who avoided eye contact like the coward he was. “You win this time.”

-

The doom bots surrounded them. There were far too many, and Thor and Tony - despite being talented - were only two people. 

Loki slithered across the ground, nimbly avoiding the heavy feet of doombots.

The rest of the Avengers were too far away, Thor wasn't wearing his armour, the-

A doombot shot Thor directly in the chest.

Normally the guy could take it, but it seemed that Doom’s robots were getting better as Thor stumbled from the hit and fell to the ground, holding the spot where his shirt was burned away.

Tony swore he could smell burning flesh, but didn't have enough time to think about it before there was a flash of green light and suddenly Loki was standing where the snake once did. Actual Loki. Person Loki. Guy-who-should-be-dead Loki. 

He. Fucking. Knew it.

A doombot attacked Loki, but it's mechanical arm went right through him. Long fingers gripped the robot’s head from behind and glowed with green light.

All the doom bots around them collapsed.

“I may not know robotics, but Doom’s magic is easily manipulated.” Loki shrugged, a small smirk growing on his face.

“I knew you were the snake!”

“Of course I was.” Loki said and his smirk turned to a grin. “But who will ever believe you?”

And with another flash of green light, Loki was a snake again. He slithered his way towards Thor and coiled himself around the god’s neck.

“You're just going to keep pretending that that snake isn't Loki?” Tony exclaimed. 

Thor got to his feet with a groan, still holding his chest. He gave Tony a smile that seemed too sly to fit on the Thunderer’s face. “Come, my friend. Let's find the others.”

Tony screamed.


End file.
